Mindfulness Doesn’t Work For Me, What Now?
Mindfulness and meditation are considered cornerstones of good mental health. Dating back as far as 5,000BC, we see examples of its presence in many religions before its adoption into mainstream culture today. On this one, doctors, therapists, gurus, friends, and enemies all hum the same tune - mindfulness and meditation are good for you.
But what happens if it isn't? What happens if you find yourself meditating like your life depends on it (because you think it does) and things don't get better… in fact, they are getting worse? You may worry that you're not doing it "correctly" or spiral into thinking that you are such a lost cause that even meditation doesn't work.
If so, don't worry; you are not alone. Mental health is not a one-size-fits-all endeavor, and just as humans are different, so will our responses differ. To understand this phenomenon better, let's break it down into three critical components:
What Mindfulness Is & Isn’t
When Happens When Mindfulness Doesn't Work
Alternatives to Mindfulness
When Mindfulness Is & Isn’t
Before we tackle the difficulties around mindfulness, let's make sure we're clear on what it is. Mindfulness is the state of mind achieved when a person is immersed in the thoughts, feelings, and sensations of that particular moment. They are not thinking about the past or future, and they are not judging or labeling what they observe. If you are in calm acceptance and awareness of everything around you, you can say that you're in a state of mindfulness.
To achieve this state, many try a combination of yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, or therapy. Its increasing popularity has seen a surge in mindfulness applications and celebrity endorsement of the practice. Many people have turned to mindfulness to solve anxiety, depression, or thoughts of suicidal ideation. Although many report positive feelings after adopting mindfulness practices into their daily routine, others have very different experiences.
When Mindfulness Doesn’t Work
Meditation, by definition, is the quieting of the mind. It's the permission in a productivity-driven world to sit still and do absolutely nothing. For many, this is a welcome relief, but for others, this invokes intense feelings of pressure and a decreased ability to regulate emotions. It can even cause heightened periods of cyclical negative thinking. They feel embarrassed or ashamed that they cannot take control of their consciousness the way they see others do in books or on social media. These feelings may inspire a rejection of other helpful self-care practices, prolonging their suffering.
Is there such a thing as too much mindfulness? It turns out that the answer is yes. The benefits of consistent mindfulness practice include increased control over actions associated with the pre-frontal cortex, like the flight-or-flight response. Mindfulness helps us build in a pause that empowers us to make different decisions, reducing our negative emotions and reactivity to the events around us. Too much mindfulness, on the other hand, blunts everything. There are cases of mindfulness causing extreme emotional disengagement, where people no longer feel positive or negative emotions, and others where it evoked episodes of disassociation. The consequences are decreased relationship satisfaction and fewer feelings of happiness or joy.
Mindfulness may contribute to negative behaviors, as well. People with diagnosed personality disorders like BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), anxiety, and depression commonly engage in avoidance. Avoidant behaviors weaken relationships and reinforce feelings of low self-worth and self-esteem. To correct this and change their perception of themselves, they must change these behaviors to more assertive ones. The dilemma arises when calm non-attachment clashes with the necessity for conflict or confrontation. The idea behind mindfulness might reinforce avoidant behavior, causing the person to continue their negative interpersonal patterns.
Alternatives to Mindfulness
If you find that meditation and mindfulness techniques are not working, you are not alone. There is nothing "wrong," and there are solutions. Many who have reported difficulties meditating have seen considerable benefits from intense physical exercise. This exercise acts like a psychological and physiological reset button. If you struggle with meditation or mindfulness, we recommend:
Trying a new sport
Getting out in nature to walk or hike
Asking friends or loved ones to get active with you
Taking your pet out to exercise (or getting a pet if you don’t have one!)
Many have reported tremendous benefits from getting a pet. Spending time with animals provides a source of loving companionship free from judgment and conflict, as well as increased self-esteem from taking care of their pet companion. If you’ve been looking for that sign to commit to a new furry friend, this is it.
We hope that if you have been struggling with mental health and mindfulness, you realize that you're not alone, and that help is out there.
Check out our blog if you liked what you read and want more. If you want to learn more about our mental health treatment options, get in touch for a no-strings confidential conversation with one of our experts today.
